In: Premier League

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*100% made up!


Spurs say that they are willing to let Moussa Sissoko leave the club on loan today, but only if they think he'll be guaranteed first-team football. We're hearing that Birmingham have made a bid, but Tottenham will turn it down and reiterate that they want Sissoko to get some game time.


With less than seven hours to go, Jack Wilshere has been spotted at Woolley Edge services. Is he bound for Huddersfield? Leeds? Bradford? Harrogate Railway Mechanics? This is a long way from bossing Barcelona's midfield, eh Jack?


More movement out of Arsenal! Gunnersaurus and his entourage have been spotted boarding a train at London Euston. We haven't word of where it's heading, but seeing the dino leave the Gunners would be Jurassic!


Palace boss Frank de Boer has been spotted playing Super Mario Run on his phone - it must mean that Super Mario Balotelli is incoming!


Alexis Sanchez to Man. City is almost done! Fee and terms agreed BUT the deal has hit a snag. Neither party has brought a pen to sign the contract so the hunt for one is on. Clock is ticking with just 9 hrs 10 minutes left!


CLANGER! Spurs have dropped the ball! The world thinks that they've signed Serge Aurier from PSG, but it turns out Daniel Levy actually said that he'd just bought some Oreos! Crumbs...


Huge news coming out of MOTD mag Towers! We can exclusively reveal our very own Tekkers King, Lee 'Stobbsy' Stobbs has sealed a sensational move from his Saturday team Kings Langley to LIVERPOOL! He's taken a cut in wages but told us: "Anything to sign for my boyhood club. I'd like to thank the staff at Kings but it's time for a new challenge."


Dwight Gayle could be on the verge of sealing a sensational move to ambitious non-leaguers Billericay Town! The only snag is a contract demand that has seen him request a 25ft mural of his face be spray painted onto the side of the club's main stand! This one is set to rumble on...


OH NO! We're hearing that Alexis Sanchez's move away from Arsenal is being held up by Atom and Humber's desire not to leave the park! His agent is currently searching for a big stick to tempt them with.


SPOTTED! Virgil Van Dijk is being dragged, kicking and screaming, into Arsenal's London Colney training base. Our sources reveal he's being locked in a dark room until he signs a four-year-deal with the struggling Gunners. Watch this space.


Kylian Mbappe's move to PSG is in doubt because his mum has said he's grounded until he finishes all his homework! The race is on!

What would you do today if you were Riyad Mahrez?


    • What would you do today if you were Riyad Mahrez?

POGBA! He's back, being Paul Pogba again – we missed him!

MORATA! Running out of time to prove he can lead the line at Chelsea!